is nothing sacred?

Poor, poor Robin.

Bee-Scuse Me

that's right, park slope.

Snap

My favorite kind of judgment.

Behold:

Yes, gentlemen, behold the beast. I decided to go for the black model to go with my Tyrese. Hell, this is why I saved money isn't it? And hopefully, if I don't crank it to eleven the whole time, the extra space and power will help the computer last longer. The extra ram would have been very pricey, so I don't know what I'll do about that. We'll see. Anyway, the rundown.

Pro:

• Bitch is fine! Perhaps it's the envy I felt toward people when they those old black laptops (a la sex and the city), but that black casing is soooo pretty.
• The glossy screen looks gorgeous and all the images are startling crisp and attractive.
• Photobooth is a fun program and I really like the idea of using the camera for silliness and maybe video chats, but never will I use it as a mirror.
• Widgets are cooky and entertaining!
• It really was "plug and play." Granted, I had to take the time to set up Apple Care and download Acquisition and whatnot, but I basically turned it on and started doing what I needed
• Apple has very graciously allowed me to re-download every song I've ever purchased from iTunes, free of charge (after some haranguing).

Con:

• That sexy black finish shows off hand grease like woah.
• It gets rly rly hot.
  
• It's really not that fast. I couldn't ostensibly tell the difference in terms of program operation between my computer and my brother's older iBook. Websites loaded at about the same speed, iTunes opened at a similar clip, downloading at a similar velocity.
• I had a problem with several applications "unexpectedly quitting." AIM, iTunes, and photobooth all shut down mid-operation.
• Ummmm....last night I couldn't get any application to open and I had to restart it to get them to work.

So let me ask you this: do you think I got a lemon?

Any other questions?

F the summer, I'm staying home with my baby.

Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt??

HAHAHA

Celebrities are no longer allowed to name their own children.

Welcome to the MacBook

I am depraved on account I'm deprived

So as my friend Julia and I were waiting to be admitted to a sushi restaurant on Saturday we said, "let's be classy bitches and dirnk beer out of paper bags." A certain officer thought that wasn't such a good idea, and we both got summons (see right). Pay very special attention to the charges section.

ONE LAST BIT OF PROCRASTINATION.

I mean, I got to do it now because I can't do it in a couple of days!

THE OFFICE SEASON FINALE...

AS RUINED BY INTERNET RETARDS

RETURN OF THE MACK

<------- Patience young padwan.

HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW YR MIRSKY?

ORLY YAHOO? PLZ TELL ME MORE!

SEX TOY OR BABY TOY?

Or in the case of Jeremy, both. Oh Dis!

TAKE THE QUIZ

The Way We Live Now

So, this is a picture of me, cloaked in fleece, cocking a bb gun, playing "favorite military dictators" at Evan's lake house. Can you guess which one?

H. Wrinkled

No no, that's too obvious..Hideously W.

I was just catching up on the last month of my favourite blog and I have to say, I really like it. For reals. So thank you, mysterious D L Wright, for your loquacious services and inspiring posts.


And now................DVC

NEARD UPDATE: TWO WEEKS

A growl from the den

Meet the Newark Bears:
A plucky team with a fancy stadium and high-class patrons, an evening with the Newark Bears is sure to fulfill any American child's dream and kindle the glowing nostalgia of any teamster. There are even great family-oriented events! Take May 26th, for example.



Play ball!

Schaudenfraude

IT WAS WORSE THAN I COULD HAVE EVER DREAMED! A fait accomplit of seismic proportions. Ron Howard and Akiva Goldsman have revealed themselves as the true earthly representations of Thanatos.

For not only did they manage to make a movie shittier than that loathsome book itself, but they dragged everybody and everything involved down with them.

Nobody is spared.

They made Tom Hanks look bad. They made Ian McKellen look bad. They made Audrey Tautou look bad (parole il n'est pas aussi!). They somehow made Jean Reno suck!

Worse: Ron Howard made the Louvre look bad. Hell, he made Paris look bad.

Not even Jesus or God walked away from this film unscathed.

I laughed the entire way through.

Let's Get Retarded in Here!!!

STOP THE FUCKING PRESS!

Scientists create 'artificial penis' in rabbits

Pierced Glasses

OWWWWWW!

CROSSTOWN CLASSIC!

GODdAMNTIT

I have to wait at least another day before I can see the hottest opening movie in America of the year 2006 because it is really so awesome like an ice-cream sunday of teddy bears and hola hoops.

ANY REPORTS?

The Horrors of the Internet: VIDEOBLOGGING

This may seem hypocritical as I am posting this on my very own blog, but honestly, WTF??

Next on the agenda: Blocking my ex-girlfriends on MySpace. That will show them!! You want to see my favorite activities? WELL TOUGH SHIT! That is what you get for sleeping with my best-friend's tranny-hooker!

me and m'girl

Dara (3:44:00 PM): http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/internet/05/19/internet.addiction.reut/index.html
sara (3:44:43 PM): " pseudo-intimate interpersonal relationships"
sara: i take offense to that!!
sara (3:44:59 PM): is what we have not real?
Dara: well, in fairness, our online relationship is supplemented by phone conversations and the occasional real-life encounter
sara (3:45:46 PM): that's very true
sara (3:45:48 PM): "Internet addicts may also get the "cyber shakes" when off line, exhibiting agitation and typing motions of the fingers when not at the computer."
Dara (3:45:58 PM): CYBER SHAKES!
Dara: my cyber shake brings all the boys to the yard
sara (3:46:38 PM): i thought that was because you were an easy slut
Dara: well that probably has something to do with it
sara (3:53:12 PM): did you send out this link because you are admitting you have a problem?
Dara (3:53:29 PM): i mean, i can quit anytime i want
sara (3:55:06 PM): yeah, who hasn't used that line before
Dara: cliches are cliches becuase they have a ring of truth, sara

Apple Rising

Opus Yay!!

Two interesting tidbits:

A five-night package at Chteau de Villette, the 17th-century French estate near Versailles that author Dan Brown describes as "more of a modest castle than a mansion," includes lodging, meals, tours of Paris-area Da Vinci Code sites, lunch at the Hotel Ritz and a Da Vinci Code presentation. Price is $4,500 a person. 415-258-8382or chateauvillette.com.

This is from an article describing how Americans are finally going to visit Europe (gasp! france!) now because of the DVC. Fine! Take your preposition-violating selves out of my country!!


And from this week's New Yorker (what has happened to this magazine?):

The Sony strategy, following the Sitrick model, was to try to turn the controversy over “The Da Vinci Code” to the film’s advantage. There was no way to stop a Christian critique of Brown’s ideas, but, if leading Christian voices could somehow be coaxed into an association with the “Da Vinci” movie, the criticism might seem less like an attack and more like engagement.

B'Scuse Love Bluth

I don't know what y'all are doing on Sunday, but I hear there's a pretty remarkable sale going on in LA. Dara's scouting the place; please place your bids now.

D VNC CD PDT (guess what it is?!?!)

As of Thursday, 6:45 p.m.: 17% on Rotten Tomatoes.

It has a lower rating than:

Cradle 2 the Grave (27%)
Alien vs. Predator (22%)
Two for the Money (21%)
The Pacifier (21%)
Doom (19%)
Collateral Damage (19%)
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (18%)
XXX: State of the Union (18%)

and tied with:

Jason X!

"I've heard I have nice teeth," epilogue

Danielle won!!! Yes, gentleladies, my gap-toothed darling has beaten them all to become America's Next Top Model and I couldn't be happier. There was a well-deserved round of applause and we actually didn't feel nasueated by the results of a reality show. Man, she is f-ing gorgeous. The end...or just the beginning...?

Getchyoself Together!

Ok, well this is annoying. I tried to put up a blogpoll so I could find out how you all feel about me buying a new MacBook, but the html text was not accepted.
About the computer, though. The timing seems almost too perfect: the raping of my former iBook, the opening of the new Mac store around the corner from my office (the cube was unveiled today and it looks pretty crazy. I'll try and post a picture of it later.), the joyous premiere of the 13" MacBook. I dunno...it all seems pretty Yuanfen to me. Please let me know what you think.

PS - the blogger.com spell check does not recognize "blog" as a word. wtf?

DA SHITI CODE wATCH 2. MORE HAHAHA!, pt.3

Infidel! You must tell your naive friend "Andrea Silkowitz" [a weak psychological displacement] the following:

Dan Brown is a cultural Alexander. After the imposed Da Vinci Code hegemony, all socio-culturo-politico-intellectualo positions had to be re-inscribed. One is either for, or against Dan Brown. And in this world, one cannot merely passively view a shitty adaptation, but you must wade through the mendacious layers of excremental similes to gain a true understanding of this woefully species we call homo homo sapiens.

Repent Now!

DA SHITI CODE wATCH 2. MORE HAHAHA!, pt.2

DA SHITI CODE wATCH 2. MORE HAHAHA!

"A Code That Takes Longer to Watch Than Read"

THiS IS GOING TO MAKE MY WEEK!

DA VINCHI C0DE WATCH!! HAHAHAHA

Clear!

DEFIBRILLATOR TWO

DEFIBRILLATOR ONE

THIS PLACE NEEDS A JUMPSTART

Math is undisputed, cont.

NYT make Oprah mad.

So the New York Times, fanciful fish-wrapper of yore, has decided to write an article against Oprah Winfrey and her predilection for pushing youth-enizing bogus treatments. Don't they remember the cows? Print media is already hurting. Are they now asking for a mercy killing?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELIZA HAHN!!!1!

<----------------------------

//img src=lemonparty.jpg//

More liek The Da Shiti Code! amirite???

Now this is a Catholic protest I can throw myself behind:

"A Catholic group on Tuesday called on Christians to starve themselves to death in protest at the release of The Da Vinci Code at cinemas in India, as others burned copies of the novel."

What is next? Monks setting themselves on fire in protest against Yanni?

WHERE THE FUCK IS JEREMY?

From the University of Chicago magazine, Vita Excolatur.



























Seriously though bro, drop your mixtape or GTFO.

News, Illustrated

Ok, seriously? WHAT is going on with the New York Times' images lately? Cases in point:

I have seen evil, pt. 2

And it's name is David Blaine Is A Pussy. I really don't understand his schtick. He sits...in uncomfortable environments...for a while. And in this case, he couldn't even do it properly with the help of a life coach.
Plus, why was Stuart Scott the host?
Even though Dara and I had a rly awesome conversation about it, she didn't watch any of the three hour special, so I'm posting Shana's comments instead:

sara: oooh i'm david blaine, i'm shivering and peeling and gasping for air
Shana (1:30:40 PM): yeah stupid bitch
Shana (1:30:42 PM): hold that breath!
Shana: what a drama queen
Shana (1:31:40 PM): i can not beat a world record too

Also, I hear Tiger Woods can hold his breath for wicked long while spear fishing. Now that's magic.

THE ATHEIST'S NIGHTMARE

sup' Kirk Cameron

Bush to Create Think Tank

"Our presence here raises all the same questions that he'll have to deal with if he puts his think tank at an elite university," said Charles G. Palm, a former Hoover deputy director who did not attend the dinner.

riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

As seen on EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE

As seen on PBS

Master Plastered

I forgot how ridiculousy sweet Martini Asti is -- not that I mind too much, but I think it is probably better as a dessert wine than for chugging like a 40oz.

In my dehydrated state I still managed to score a ticket to Radiohead show -- although I think it is quite literally the worst seat in the entire house. There has got to be a better way than T1CKETMA$T3r.

Thanks for the phone call dudes! Made my night.

~~~ MSTR. DSSTR OUT

I have seen evil

And it's name is Blaine. David Blaine, Brooklyn's most embarrassing creation, is currently living in a fishbowl. He has been doing so since Monday, and today we are treated to a sneak peek of his magical hands:




Let's play word association, shall we?

Too Much Heaven

I present to you the 75x75:

I didn't know you guys liked the raiders

go team b'scuse!

Forget the Jager Machine...

Now, for a mere $500 (we all remember his seed goes for hella scrilla), you can buy a t-shirt with our boy Gallo's face all o'er it. What's worse than the inevitable wrath of Chloe Sevigny that will surely follow? Having to fill out an application to get one.

Me So Horny...and puking.

picture this, and then try not to.

and scroll down to see why jeremy piven is totally kind of, like maybe sort of, the man.

R3/\/\'/ 15 4 b147(|-|

MIRSKY ARE YOU ON SPECIAL K?

PAGING TROTSKY (SIR) TO BLOG

http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/americas/04/28/mexico.drugs.ap/index.html

DO YOU NEED STRESS RELIEF?

Flier found in Hyde Park:


























It is like (s)he anticipated my every question and concern!

Soulseek Global Likes/Dislikes

Once again, the "idiots who download all my files at once" edge out the nazis.

Better luck next year!

Pete Doherty, artist

Do y'all ever wonder if, just maybe, we can't understand the madness of others?

The Power of Love

Couple, 33 and 104, Reportedly Marry

The report did not say if any of Wook's previous 20 husbands are still alive. :|/

BROOKLYN SUX

sup now, hipsters? you just got schooled by ravers!

Pop Quiz

In celebration of Conde' Nast's newest creation -- a user-generated online magazine targeted at teenage girls -- let's decide what Jeremy's screen name will be:


a) Cap'n Candypants
b) Ive 2 tix 2 c kelly
c) tubgrrl lovr
d) other_________


Congrats, Jeremy, and keep reaching for the stars!

Logan, EXPLAIN HUMANITY